2019, what a year! I would like to say because of so many wonderful things, but unfortunately that has not always been the case. It’s been a challenge and at times tough to mask real and painful feelings. You’ve heard the saying “don’t bring your problems to work”, it’s easier said than done isn’t it? It can be an expectation that we should be able to park our problems at the door, but in the society we live in today, it’s very naive to think that people can always do that. It depends on the type of working environment you are in, some workplace cultures will acknowledge and accept that sometimes we do carry some of our personal lives into our professional ones. Some cultures may show empathy and offer time out and recognise when people are having difficulties or are suffering.
We are constantly faced with small minded attitudes, “leave it at the door” or “well this is how I am, you’ll just have to accept it!” it’s a very black and white attitude, where there are no grey areas. When we say grey areas, this is where it may not be quite as clear or easy to understand. Some people don’t have any room for “grey areas” they have their opinions and that’s that!
We all know people like this, we’ve worked with people who have this mentality, I suppose we have all been guilty of it at times in our lives, thinking that it’s our way and that others don’t really “get us”.
Not everyone will “get you” because we are all so different and diverse, even when we find people that we have loads in common with, we can still find ourselves in conflict. Think about relationships, with our parents, children, partners, colleagues and friends. We can easily misunderstand each other and disagree, but it’s how we find our way back, if we upset someone or behave in a way that another person finds difficult, how do we repair and rebuild that relationship?
Whereas if we are actively thinking about how we behave or share our thoughts and feelings, then perhaps any damage done can be undone much quicker and with less fuss. Of course, being mindful of our interactions and our environment can be challenging, as you need to learn how to do this, with little effort. When I say little effort, I don’t mean you don’t care, but you learn how to adopt approaches that enable positive and welcomed interactions, giving you a better chance of meaningful interactions, rather than destructive ones.
I have always been passionate about my beliefs and ideas, I have crossed many lines with my effort to influence others, because at times (more times than I care to remember) I have not always taken a step back to think about what I am going to say, instead I have just gone right in and said it! One of those “well this is how I am, you’ll just have to accept it!”
Do people just have to accept it? No, indeed they don’t and as I continue to develop my skills, I create much more positive and meaningful interactions. I learn more and more strategies and approaches that enable me to get the best out of relationships, personally and professionally. As that role model to others, it is so important that I “think before I speak” for if I am to expect this from others, then it is only right that I master the skill myself in order to send the right message.
“People seldom improve when they have no other model than themselves to copy” Oliver Goldsmith
That’s the beauty of working in a variety of settings with lots of different people with very different characters. We can learn so much from each other, some experiences may be worth taking forward and some may be best left at the door. Every interaction we have with people teaches us something, positive, negative or otherwise.
“Good judgement comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgement” Rita Mae Brown
